Sometimes the Best Thing We Can Do Is Let Them Try
There is something very tempting about watching a young child struggle with something we know we could fix in about three seconds. The zipper won’t cooperate. The paper won’t fit into the folder. They can’t quite remember what comes next in their workbook. Their shoe is somehow on the wrong foot even though we are fairly certain we just discussed this yesterday. Every adult instinct says, “Here, let me do it.”
And sometimes they absolutely need our help. But sometimes the best thing we can do is wait.
That can be harder than it sounds.
At school, we spend a lot of time teaching children academic skills, but we are also teaching them how to become students. That means learning how to listen to directions, take care of their belongings, begin a task, ask for help appropriately, clean up after themselves, and keep trying when something doesn’t work the first time. Those things may seem small, but they become incredibly important as children get older.
I think sometimes, because we love our children so much, we accidentally make things a little too easy for them. We don’t want them frustrated, so we step in. We don’t want them to struggle, so we give them the answer. We’re running late, so we carry the backpack, put on the shoes, grab the water bottle and do all the things they are perfectly capable of doing themselves.
I understand it. There are mornings when nobody has time for a ten-minute battle with a zipper.
But whenever we can, it is good to give children a chance to struggle just a little.
There is a difference between a child being overwhelmed and a child working through something difficult. That little bit of productive frustration is where perseverance begins. It’s where children learn to stop, think, try something different, ask for help, and eventually experience the wonderful feeling of realizing, “I did that myself.”
We see the same thing academically. We use structured curriculum and workbooks at Cornerstone, and there will naturally be moments when something is difficult. A letter won’t form correctly. A math concept doesn’t make sense yet. A child knows a sound one day and looks at us the next morning as though they have never seen that letter before in their life.
That doesn’t mean we immediately lower the expectation. We teach it again. We may show it differently. We may use something hands-on, practice together, give a prompt and then let them try again.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is growth.
Galatians 6:9 tells us not to grow weary in doing good, because in due season we will reap if we don’t give up. That is a pretty big lesson tucked into some very ordinary childhood moments.
So the next time you see your child struggling with something they are capable of figuring out, maybe wait just a few seconds before jumping in.
You may be surprised by what they can do when we give them enough time to discover it themselves.